Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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