In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
