im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
