he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boobs speak an international language.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize