so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
