I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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