I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
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she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.