do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing