im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts