i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
