The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
