You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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