Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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