this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
