He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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