I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
