it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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