I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
