there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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