The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
