I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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