His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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