Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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