im about as happy as oj after his trial
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
