shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
