You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
