why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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