We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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