How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
