Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
