She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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