I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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