He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I need a burrito and a hug.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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