Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
