Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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