Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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