Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
