He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
