My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
