And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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