If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
