The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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