Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
