we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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