I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
