Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
