Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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