he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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