They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
