And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
