woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
