I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
