Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
