Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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