I looked at my own cervix.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
