I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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