Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
