I'm lost and stupid without you.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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