Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
