Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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