I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
