when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
