hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
