When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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